so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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