so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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