I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
