She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
