tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
