we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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