If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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