I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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