I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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