Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
