the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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