His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
