i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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