Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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