Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
