This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
