Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
