So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
