yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize