i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
