I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
