we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
