I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
