I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did I show you my penis last night?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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