I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
