there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
