I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
