I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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