I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
