I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
