At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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