And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
