I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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