all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
