We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
