Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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