I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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