atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
