took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
