she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
