remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
