I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize