Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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