She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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