Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
