i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
