Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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