I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
