Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
