i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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