My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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