If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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