Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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