I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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