and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
