i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
