definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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