He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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