I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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