Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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