my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
