what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
